I have been spending some time in reflection on who I am here to serve. Sometimes I help myself discover more about what I AM when I define what it is I am NOT.
At this point along the journey of healing from codependent patterns, I know I am not here to convince anyone that the ways they have developed to cope with and survive their lives is not working.
That is not my work and quite frankly I am completely uninterested in putting my efforts toward convincing anyone of anything at this point in my life.
I believe life brings us to spaces of readiness and hunger for transformation and our willingness to be honest helps us get there and yes, it can be quite unfortunate what the timing of that looks like for a life.
What I AM here for is to speak to those who are tired of where old coping/survival mechanisms keep landing them and anyone who could benefit from the encouragement that … there can be a different way. This isn’t the space in which one must stay.
Everything is in transformation. Including you. Including your life.
It’s just that nothing changes until something changes and that shift can most definitely come from YOU. In fact, I hope it does. I hope you find empowerment in becoming an active participant in the healing discovery of your life.
I hope for this because I hope for less suffering for this world and I believe that when we suffer less, there is less harm we leave in our wakes.
This isn’t to say change is easy.
It is fairly safe and honest to say … it isn’t.
But, it is possible.
It is worthy.
You are worthy.
Life is worthy.
My work is to help in the process of letting it be possible by working with your availability and capacity in experiencing possibility.
Showing up for life differently - meaning, stepping away from familiar coping mechanisms that you have come to rely on or develop dependency with is not a walk in the park. It comes with work and it comes with willingness to process through loss & grief.
When we embark on change and transformation, we can often experience an overwhelming fear of the uncertainty that comes with transformation and healing. As in, who am I without this THING that has come to hold so much of my identity?
That overwhelm is real and also I believe it doesn’t have to be so daunting.
I wonder how much lighter we can make this experience if we treated it more playfully and with some child-like wonder.
What if we started asking questions like:
I wonder what else I am?
Who am I capable of becoming?
The thing about coping mechanisms is that yes, they have worked for us in some way. Often times, we have managed to stretch our their service longer than what actually SERVES us. And, just because this is what you’ve relied on for so long does not mean that it has to be what and who you ARE.
You get to reinvent yourself.
You have life’s full permission to be made into something new.
Will it be easy? Prob not but MAYBE it just might be easier than you imagine and a helluva lot more fulfilling than what you are used to experiencing.
You can start at anytime to choose differently.
Right now, even.
I heard once a explanation of karma that has stayed with me for years and it is that karma is less about life coming to bite you in the ass from past decisions and choices, etc but rather that whatever choices you make consistently - the more likely you are to behave in the way you do next time when faced with the same decision.
This is why some people out here believe that people don’t change.
They are in a karmic cycle of repetition with behavior.
So then, the key is simple but not easy.
Interrupt yourself.
Pivot direction.
Try something else on for size.
Let things be uncomfortable.
Let the new behavior not fit for a minute.
Stay with the uncertainty and the awkwardness a little bit longer than you think you can bare.
The more you practice a new shape and choosing - the more likely you’ll become it and at some point along the way before you probably even notice - it won’t feel so new and hard and odd and sad.
It might even begin to feel like this new shape is actually who you were created to be.